Damn Foster's Tried to Smoke Me Out

Damn if I see one more early-30's mother wearing a North Face knockoff fleece vest at Foster's, I think I'm gonna have another Nietzsche style nervous breakdown. Has anyone told these women that a Foster's New England crumb cake neutralizes the hour they spent at the women's gym next door? Well, that's not entirely true: the hour of neglect in the understaffed gym nursery their young child experienced probably added another %0.01 to their chance of spending their late teens in a Cancun coke frenzy. And speaking of damn kids, what is this one dude saying? He's all yammering the same word over and over! Aren't kids supposed to be able to learn faster than damn computers? Doesn't he realize it's all nonsense and mommy don't wanna hear that shit?

Just when I was getting a nice buzz from my rage-a-hol, damn Foster's kitchen started smoking like a damn Cheech and Chong clone war and I was out like one sick dude.

Damn coffee-waifs make me wanna puke

Why is it that everyone who works at a damn coffee shop has to cop the 'tude with Nietzsche?

Is it my policy against tipping people whose work could be made redundant by that robot that came with the NES? Perhaps it is my "tell it like it damn well is" philosophy? Maybe it's because I tell them they're all being taught by a bunch of inbred sophists.

And what are they so damned depressed about? I will assume it isn't their haircuts, because most people get haircuts voluntarily. Another guess is that it's because their work lacks meaning and import, except they are choosing to work at a coffee shop despite being ridiculously overqualified. They try to make being a barista seem non-blue collar, or at least ironically blue collar, but good money is on them either remaining baristas for the rest of the decade, or taking a new job of even lower repute.

Bathroom Lights Damnit

I'm so pissed off that every time I go for a damn piss take in the coffee shop bathroom, I have to turn on the bloody lights. Who turned those fucking things off, I ask.

I can't speak for everyone, but my trips to the bathroom are like Police Academy I: shitty (but featuring moments of partial nudity). You touch stuff to get the job done, then you touch stuff to operate things like flush levers, faucet handles, and door handles. Every one of those things is covered in a revolting cocktail of human waste and sexually transferred virii. We hope that everyone is conscientious to wash up, but the reality is that it only takes one inconsiderate assface to contaminate the place. And I'd wager good money on the fact that anyone inconsiderate enough to wipe their dung hand around the bathroom all willy nilly is likely to go into their sexual conquests without their rubbery armor.

Why add another thing to touch in the bathroom that increases everyone else's risk?

Also, it's somewhat tacky for places to let the lights off in the bathroom. How much money are you guys saving by turning the lights off for the 3 minutes between customers' trips? Doesn't it come off a little stingy?