I'm a fuckface this morning

Damn it if I haven't found the best way to wake up.

I got all pissed this morning because I spilled damn coffee grounds all over the counter. How the hell do you clean that shit up? Ain't got a grounds mop around here, and it's way too much for a paper towel. I'll go at it with the vacuum momentarily.

As my blood/rage-o-hol content reached a level orders higher than impairment, I found that I was awake as a damn crying baby.

It's called a template you fucking moron

So I'm sitting at The Daily Grind trying to enjoy the damn day and these fucking chatty PhD students next to me are chirping it up on some inane topic, complaining about damn esoteric formatting rules for dissertations and the one fancies herself some sort of multi-disciplinary genius by claiming that they could make a lot of money selling a MS Word product that formatted according to your dissertation guidelines.

So I'm sitting there so WTF'd out I can't even think about violent shit anymore and I guess a quick glance of mine betrays interest in their topic and then the girl has the damn nerve to make a joke about me stealing their quarter-assed idea so they need to patent it.

I realize PhD students get to a point of crippling specificity such that they lose the forest and all but c'mon people, being damn English PhDs shouldn't mean you don't have to know what computers can damn do.

On the major plus side the chirphead forgot to close her bag -- in all likelihood on account a day dream of sitting by her new pool in the Florida keys purchased through her hot new product -- and when she stood up all the boring shit in it flowed out like some waterfall and the laptop landed head first on a chair. Then I was all thinking about telling her she could patent being a fucking moron instead but I decided to not do that after all.

A Dream about Owen Wilson

I had a dream about Owen Wilson.

We were walking into a movie theater together. He pointedly asked, "guess who stars in this one?"

I went through a list of actors I thought might be in it. He had a look of mild disappointment and answered, "me!"