I'm not gay I swear

Goddamn it, does last.fm have to show me a damn picture of Justin Timberlake with his fucking shirt off just because I spun his album last week?

Weaver Street Profits Off Suckers

Damn prolific capitalism can damn rise to the challenge of suckering just about any fool out of his money.  In this case, it's the damn anti-capitalists that are getting suckered into it. This co-op bullshit is a coat of veneer on a damn exploitative capitalist agenda by some asshole who is getting rich.  You know how to become a "partial owner" of Weaver Street?  Pay them damn $75 for a year, which gives you a 5% off some -- but not all! -- of their goods.  Which means, just to break even on your investment, you gotta spend $1500 a year at this hellhole.  You think that damn Wall-mart wouldn't give you $75 if you signed a contract agreeing to spend over $1500 a year there?

Also, if you "volunteer", you get an additional %10 off, and the scope of products on which you can save is broader.  This requires a minimum of 3 hours a week.  Back to the numbers.  Let's assume your time is worth $10/hr -- not super, but at least a "living wage" that you'd think a place like Weaver Street would support.  3 hours at $10/hr is $30; to get this value out of Weaver Street you would need to spend $200 there in one week!  Are you as WTF'd out as I am?  Not only are people being gouged by this shit, but Weaver Street has to employ fewer wage-and-benefits-earning employees because they've tricked SUCKERS into doing labor for practically NOTHING.  And yet, the people who regard volunteering here as some sort of noble effort would scoff at me for donning a damn blue vest and moving boxes around in Wall-mart for free.

If that don't beat all.  I need about one more pint of coffee before I plow through one of their damn walls on foot, leaving a cartoonish body-outline in the the bricks.  Fucks to you guys!

Aristotle was a fuck

Damn if those Greek jack-of-all-trade enlightened dudes weren't a bunch of pricks.

Aristotle was all about the physics in addition to the philosophy, even though he was mostly wrong about everything he said. Since I'm somewhat of an anti-philosophy guy, I think I'll diversify and become an anti-physics guy, too.

My theory: fuck physics. Yeah, there's two things I can neither stand nor understand.

First: damn headphone cords. I put them in my pocket for not more than a 15 minute walk and all of a sudden these fucks are more annoyingly convoluted than a damn Lost narrative arc.

Second: spilling coffee. I got a damn cup and a damn lid and I'm holding the thing as steady as one can at a 2 mph stride, and the fucker keeps spilling shit on my hands. How in the hell does this happen people?

SAT kids: rebel!

So I heard that the damn SAT now provides additional time to like %20 of the students who take the test. Apparently, learning disabilities are more prevalent than once believed. Don't ask me for a source on that number; I heard it glancingly referred to in class, and it may be wildly inaccurate.

But it did make me consider an important question. Why does anyone get extra time at all? I realize that there are intelligent people that might have a disability, like dysxelia, that hampers their ability to efficiently process exams like the SAT. These people also get extra time in the classroom for tests that other students do not. The intent behind the policy seems noble, but is it entirely honest? I mean, if you were a prospective employer considering a college graduate with an attractive 4.0 GPA, wouldn't you like to know that it takes them %20 longer than most people to finish many of the tasks for which you're hiring them?

Another thing that annoys me about this policy is that it discriminates against stupid people. We say that people with attention deficits or learning difficulties deserve more time, while people who are just dumber than their peers should be competing with the brighter students. Essentially, some mental deficiencies (ADHD, dyslexia) are forgivable and we should try to insulate their sufferers from failure, while others (plain old stupidity) should be repressed to the lower circles of academic success.

I can see the idea behind the theory. If you have a smart person with a reading disability, they will perform at a level lower than their actual abilities on time-based exams like the SAT, and that, with more time, they'll be able to more accurately represent their true abilities. But we need to better understand what we mean by "true abilities". After all, swift problem solving is surely a desirable trait, and we shouldn't assume that achieving the same answer in twice the time indicates a person is just as competent.

It would be nice to see an exam that didn't emphasize timeliness as strongly. If an SAT was designed without a time bound -- or at least, a time limit long enough for the slowest student -- we might be able to differentiate between the stupid and the slow. If you're not bright enough to solve a problem, there's no amount of extra time that will bring you closer to the solution.

But the SAT in its recent incarnations is still a heavily time based exam, and most people who take it would probably benefit from more time. And as long as that's the case, it remains hard to justify our categorization of those who deserve and do not deserve assistance.

I'm a fuckface this morning

Damn it if I haven't found the best way to wake up.

I got all pissed this morning because I spilled damn coffee grounds all over the counter. How the hell do you clean that shit up? Ain't got a grounds mop around here, and it's way too much for a paper towel. I'll go at it with the vacuum momentarily.

As my blood/rage-o-hol content reached a level orders higher than impairment, I found that I was awake as a damn crying baby.

It's called a template you fucking moron

So I'm sitting at The Daily Grind trying to enjoy the damn day and these fucking chatty PhD students next to me are chirping it up on some inane topic, complaining about damn esoteric formatting rules for dissertations and the one fancies herself some sort of multi-disciplinary genius by claiming that they could make a lot of money selling a MS Word product that formatted according to your dissertation guidelines.

So I'm sitting there so WTF'd out I can't even think about violent shit anymore and I guess a quick glance of mine betrays interest in their topic and then the girl has the damn nerve to make a joke about me stealing their quarter-assed idea so they need to patent it.

I realize PhD students get to a point of crippling specificity such that they lose the forest and all but c'mon people, being damn English PhDs shouldn't mean you don't have to know what computers can damn do.

On the major plus side the chirphead forgot to close her bag -- in all likelihood on account a day dream of sitting by her new pool in the Florida keys purchased through her hot new product -- and when she stood up all the boring shit in it flowed out like some waterfall and the laptop landed head first on a chair. Then I was all thinking about telling her she could patent being a fucking moron instead but I decided to not do that after all.

A Dream about Owen Wilson

I had a dream about Owen Wilson.

We were walking into a movie theater together. He pointedly asked, "guess who stars in this one?"

I went through a list of actors I thought might be in it. He had a look of mild disappointment and answered, "me!"